I had planned to write a longer treatise on beer styles and their benefits and drawbacks, etc, but then I just spent the past two hours digging my mother in law’s car out of her driveway. So I hope you’ll forgive me if I instead use this Thirsty Thursday as an time to pull out a poem: yes, goddamn another. And this one isn’t as good! I started singing it to my son in the bath one night, and then kept going. Looking over it now, I take some… liberties with the meter. Forgive me. I just want to go to sleep.
Hush little baby, don’t you fear
Daddy’s got a case of steam beer.
And if Anchor misses the mark
Daddy’s cellared Sink the Bismarck!
And if the abv’s too high
Daddy’s gonna pour you a Dead Guy.
And if the Dead Guy has gone sour
Daddy’s gonna buy some Flower Power.
And if you then ask what’s the fuss?
Daddy still has some Utopias.
And if Jim Koch doesn’t do the trick
Daddy’s got the latest Vertical Epic.
If the 2010’s not good, don’t fret
Daddy’s got Superfriends, with brett.
And if brettanomyces ain’t your thing
Daddy’s still got some Alpha King.
If Alpha King died on the shelf
It’s about the time for Troegs’ Mad Elf.
And if your bread is still not buttered,
Daddy’s gonna get you a Daisy Cutter.
And if that hasn’t scratched your itch,
Daddy’s going to get you some Raging Bitch.
And if Flying Dog is too profane,
Daddy’s got Shipyard, from Maine.
And if that Pumpkinhead’s no fun,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a Local One.
And if that Brooklyn tastes of lemons,
Daddy’s still got Delirium Tremens.
And if the flavors haven’t meshed
Daddy’s gonna get a Festina Peche.
And if you’d rather lick a log,
Daddy’s got Abita Turbodog.
That’s as far as I’ve gotten, but I’m sure it could go on for much longer. And of course, this is pure fiction: if I had half the beers in my cellar that I claim to, I’d be a very happy man indeed!